How to Use Pronouns Correctly: A Practical Guide to Respecting Gender Identity

Using someone’s correct pronouns is one of the simplest and most meaningful acts of everyday respect. It costs nothing, takes seconds, and can make a significant difference in how a person feels seen and valued. Yet many people feel uncertain about how to approach pronouns, worried about making mistakes, or unsure why it matters so much.

This guide aims to clear up that uncertainty. It covers the basics of pronoun usage, common mistakes and how to avoid them, and the deeper reasons why getting pronouns right matters.

Why pronouns matter

Pronouns are not just grammatical tools. They are how we refer to people when we speak about them. When someone is repeatedly misgendered — referred to with pronouns that do not match their identity — it can feel dismissive, invalidating, or even distressing. For transgender and nonbinary people, consistent misgendering can contribute to anxiety, depression, and a sense of not being safe in social or professional spaces.

Using correct pronouns signals that you see the person as they are. It says: I recognize who you are, and I respect that. It is a baseline of human dignity, not an optional extra.

The most common pronoun sets

Most English speakers are familiar with he/him/his and she/her/hers. But there are several other pronoun sets in common use:

He/Him/His

Traditionally used for men and boys. Example: “John said he would join us.”

She/Her/Hers

Traditionally used for women and girls. Example: “Maria brought her book.”

They/Them/Theirs

This set has been used for centuries in English as a gender-neutral singular pronoun. It is the standard pronoun set for nonbinary people and is increasingly common for people whose gender is not specifically male or female. Example: “Alex said they would be late.”

Additional pronoun sets

Some people use other pronouns, including:

• Ze/Hir/Hirs (sometimes spelled Zie/Hir): used by some nonbinary and genderqueer individuals
• Xe/Xem/Xyr: another gender-neutral option
• It/Its: used by some people, though this can feel dehumanizing to others, so always confirm preference

When someone uses a pronoun set you are not familiar with, the best approach is the same as with any unfamiliar name or term: ask politely, listen carefully, and use it consistently.

How to share your own pronouns

One of the most effective ways to create a pronoun-friendly environment is to share your own pronouns proactively. This is sometimes called “pronoun introduction” or “pronoun declaration.”

You might say:

• “Hi, I’m Jamie, and my pronouns are they/them.”
• “I’m Chris. He/him pronouns. And you?”

Many people now include pronouns in their email signatures, social media profiles, name tags, and video call display names. This makes it easier for everyone and signals that you are someone who takes pronouns seriously.

This practice is particularly helpful in group settings where people may not know each other well. It prevents the awkwardness of guessing and assuming, and it makes space for people who might otherwise feel uncomfortable introducing their pronouns.

How to ask about pronouns respectfully

If you are not sure what pronouns someone uses, ask directly and calmly. The key is to ask as naturally as you would ask someone’s name.

Good approaches:

• “What pronouns do you use?”
• “Which pronouns should I use for you?”
• “What should I call you?”

These are all straightforward and respectful. They treat the question as normal rather than unusual or intrusive.

Things to avoid:

• Do not ask “What is your real name?” This implies their stated name is not real.
• Do not ask “Are you a he or a she?” This is reductive and disrespectful.
• Do not ask “What are your pronouns?” in a tone that suggests the question is strange or burdensome.

If you are in a formal setting and are not sure how to bring up the topic, you can model by sharing your own pronouns first and then asking others to share theirs.

What to do when you make a mistake

Mistakes happen. The important thing is not whether you make an error, but how you handle it.

If you misgender someone

1. Correct yourself briefly. A quick “Sorry, I mean she—” or “Sorry, they—” is usually enough.
2. Do not make a big deal of it. Long apologies, elaborate explanations, or theatrical expressions of guilt can make the other person feel awkward or pressured to comfort you.
3. Move on. Continue the conversation naturally. Dwelling on the mistake can draw more attention to it.
4. Do better next time. Make a mental note and use the correct pronouns going forward.

If someone else misgenders a person

If you witness someone else being misgendered, you can help by using correct pronouns in your own speech and, if appropriate, gently correcting the error. For example: “I think Alex uses they/them pronouns.” This is not about confrontation but about normalization.

Pronouns in written communication

Written communication presents both opportunities and challenges for pronoun usage.

Email signatures

Many people now include pronouns in their email signatures:

Jane Smith Senior Editor Pronouns: she/her

Social media

Bio fields on platforms like Twitter/X, Instagram, LinkedIn, and Facebook often include pronoun fields. Filling these in makes your pronouns visible to others.

Video calls

If your video platform allows it, adding pronouns to your display name is a simple way to share them in meetings and calls.

Formal documents

If you are responsible for forms, databases, or other systems, consider adding a pronouns field. This allows people to specify their pronouns and ensures that automated systems and documents can reflect their identity.

Common scenarios

When meeting someone new

Ask or offer your own pronouns. In many professional and social contexts, this has become standard practice. If the other person does not share their pronouns, do not press. They may not be ready to disclose, or they may be未定.

In the workplace

Many employers now include pronouns in onboarding materials, encourage pronoun sharing in meetings, and include pronouns in internal directories. If your workplace does not have established norms around this, you can still be proactive by sharing your own pronouns and asking respectfully about others.

In healthcare settings

Healthcare providers should ask about pronouns as part of intake processes. If you are a healthcare worker and unsure, ask: “What pronouns do you use?” or “How would you like me to refer to you?”

In educational settings

Students and teachers can share pronouns at the start of a term or class. This is particularly important for creating inclusive learning environments.

Pronouns and neopronouns

Some people use neopronouns — newer or less traditional pronoun sets. These can include singular versions of “they,” various constructed pronouns, or pronouns tied to specific identities or experiences.

If you encounter a neopronoun you are unfamiliar with, the same principles apply: ask, listen, and use them consistently. Here are a few examples:

• xe/xem/xyr: “Xe brought xyr lunch.”
• ze/hir/hirs: “Ze introduced hirself to the group.”
• fae/faer/faers: “Fae seemed happy with faerself.”

Most neopronouns follow similar patterns and become easier with practice. If you are genuinely struggling, it is okay to ask for clarification on pronunciation or usage, as long as you ask respectfully.

The bigger picture

Getting pronouns right is a small but real piece of creating a more inclusive world. It is not the whole solution to discrimination or inequality, but it is part of the foundation. When people are seen and respected in everyday interactions, they are better able to participate fully in work, school, and social life.

Pronoun awareness also benefits people who are not transgender or nonbinary. It creates more flexible language, normalizes self-identification, and reduces the pressure on everyone to conform to rigid gender expectations.

Quick reference guide

Takeaways

• Pronouns are fundamental to how we refer to people. Using correct pronouns is a basic form of respect.
• Share your own pronouns proactively to create a more inclusive environment.
• Ask about pronouns respectfully when you are unsure.
• When you make mistakes, correct yourself briefly and move on.
• Pronoun usage extends to written communication, workplace settings, healthcare, and education.
• Mistakes happen to everyone. What matters is your commitment to doing better.

Respecting someone’s pronouns is not complicated. It requires attention, willingness to learn, and the humility to correct yourself when you get it wrong. That is a small ask, and it makes a real difference.